i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
