Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
