a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
