I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
