Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
