fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I checked into jail on foursquare
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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