I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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