So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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