I'm really into asian looking animals
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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