So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
