What a fucking waste of an outfit
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
