He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
