So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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