He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
