I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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