Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
