420 ftw
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
