So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
