i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize