So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
