I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
