We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
