i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So much rum. So many feels.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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