best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
