Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
