He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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