would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
