if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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