dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
