tell your sister to shave her snatch
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
i now understand why vodka
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
