when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
