can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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