I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
