there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
