Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
