Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My ass is underappreciated
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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