and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
