After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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