well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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