just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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