He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
