I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
