you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
