I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
