i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
