so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
