Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I love you. Go after that dick
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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