I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
