there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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