FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
