a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I smell stomach acid.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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