I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
