I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
soo... how was my night?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize