I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
