Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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