and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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