But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
