I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize