i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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