your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
