I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
