You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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