She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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