did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I could fuck to npr.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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