I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
The air taste purple.
Randomize
