I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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