how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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