then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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