Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
