it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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