If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
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