Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
