No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
