My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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