I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
