Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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