the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize