Will you blow on my dice?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Sober January is a disaster.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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