Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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